Cat adoption in Delmar, NY, 12054
DSH Cat
"Poe"

About this Cat

As a former foster and lifetime rescue mom, I am ashamed and heartbroken to even be writing this. But I am desperate. After 4+ years of what we (my family, my cat and I) have been going through, I’m hoping you will try to understand my position. First, the good: This boy is one of the sweetest and most affectionate cats I have ever known. He has SO MUCH love to give, and all he wants is to be loved by his human, in a home without a lot of commotion. I love this cat so much, and I don’t want to give him up. Which is why I’ve tried everything over the last 5 years. And he deserves to be happy, and not a constant ball of nerves. When it’s just me and him, he sits on my chest and just purrs and makes biscuits for as long as I’ll sit still, rubbing his face on mine and trying to pour all his love into me. He’s great with other animals too, just not a lot of other humans. And now for the bad: My 9-year-old cat, Poe, has been refusing to use the litter box on and off for about 5 years now, since my fiancé and I moved in together. We have been to the vet (Delmar Animal Hospital, Delmar, NY; usually Dr. Pabin) multiple times for this issue, and it has been determined to be behavioral. We will have periods of “mild” bad behavior, which consists of “just” pooping under the bed and in other spots in the house. Every day is a challenge to find and clean where he’s gone. This we have deemed manageable and have chosen to just deal with it, as none of the behavioral remedies have worked. But we are now in another cycle of “extreme” behavior, which is him just peeing on anything and everything, including our couch, bed, clothes, dog bed, and the carpeting on the stairs of our apartment, which we rent. Last night he peed on both cushions of a living room chair that now has to be thrown out. For some context, this all began five years ago, when my fiancé and I moved in together. It got a little worse with the birth of our son 3 years ago and has gotten even worse in the last year since my daughter was born. Prior to that, I never once had an issue with him, even though he had lived with 15+ other cats and kittens in my house in West Virginia, where I fostered for a local rescue. He was found by a coworker of mine as a feral kitten, and I have had him since he was about 8-10 weeks old. He is so sweet and bonded to me so quickly that I decided to keep him rather than adopt him out. And even when I moved back here to NY, to a small apartment with all 3 of my cats and my dog, never once did this issue come up. The trigger was when another human (especially a male, I think) moved in. To be clear, my husband has never and would never hurt him, and is just as sad and distraught over the situation as I am. We have both cried a lot over this in the few months out of sheer frustration and lack of options. But I think this cat is just afraid of men in general, possibly because of the coworker who trapped him and kept him in a greenhouse until I could pick him up after work! We have 2 other cats, who do not have these issues. One is 15 (male) and a stray I found as a kitten, and the other is 11 (female) who was being given away out of a cardboard box at a gas station. Poe has been around them his whole life, loves them, and tries to snuggle and be friends with them, but they are not very nice to him, especially my female. But still, he tries to rub his head on them and be friends and they swat at him and bite his ears. My dog will occasionally move like he's going to chase him if he runs, but mostly, my dog is afraid of cats and just wants to play. All of these factors, in addition to our changing household, cause Poe stress, to the point of constipation (which leads to the traumatic pooping in random spot) and anxious urination (he gets comfort from the pheromones in his own urine, so he pees on any bed or cushion he sleeps on, and then lies in it). So we’ve tried every Feliway and cat pheromone product on the market, calming chews (which he won’t eat because he’s so anxious and thinks I’m trying to poison him), calming spray, extra litter boxes, a quiet place for him to go be alone, special food (he refuses to eat it), and everything else that’s been suggested by either a vet, my former rescue, or internet cat lovers. We’ve switched to Dr. Elsey’s Cat Attract litter and the herbal additive twice with no change. We even tried prescribed gabapentin a year or so ago, but I can’t get more than a dose or two in him so that it can build up in his system. After the first or second dose, he hides for several days in the basement. When he eventually wants to be found again, we are back at square one. I also make sure to give him extra dedicated “mommy time” every day where it’s just him and I and we snuggle and play before anyone else wakes up or after the kids go to bed, but it doesn’t seem to be enough. And even more frustrating, he WILL use the litter box. I've seen him do it! But then he won't. And furniture or the carpet in our apartment will get peed on and ruined. We have reached out to several rescues in the area, personal friends, family, and no-kill shelters for help, and no one will take him in, if they even bother to get back to us. The MVHS, supposedly a no-kill shelter, would take him, but their website says that they reserve the right to humanely euthanize him if they determine that he is not adjusting well to shelter life. Which I can tell you right now, with as anxious and mentally frayed as he is, he would not. And I don't see any point in putting him through the torture of living in a shelter before just euthanizing him anyway, which is why I’ve arrived this crossroads. I know how this may seem to some rescuers. Ten years ago, I would have thought poorly of someone trying to do what I’m doing, and I completely understand that viewpoint. I do believe that pets are family and are forever, and making the choice to surrender him has been excruciating. I actually feel guilty for living my life and having the family I’ve always wanted, because it means Poe is suffering. I hope you can see how hard I’ve tried and how devastated I am to even be writing this. I also hope you can consider Poe’s quality of life, and the fact that he deserves to live in a home that doesn’t cause him daily stress to the point of constipation and angry urination. Thank you for your time, and for choosing to adopt, even if its not Poe.

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